You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
