i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
