I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
