i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
