Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
