First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
