no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
