I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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