I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do vagina's smell?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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