But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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