he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
