I look better un-naked...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
