I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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