she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
