Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize