I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
