Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
