how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
