I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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