no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
