I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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