i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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