I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize