I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
