guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm drive I can fine osifer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
