oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
