so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
