Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
