a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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