Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
