i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
