i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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