That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
