I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
