What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
