careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
