dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
