I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
