its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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