I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
