thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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