I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
