I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
