FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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