So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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