Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
