Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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