you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
