I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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