Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
