I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
