May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
