If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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