oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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