And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
