God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize