Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
