His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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