this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
