Non-Jews are for practice
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
