So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
